Monday, March 28, 2011

Re-Entry Into the World

So. Today I went back to work 
(if you don't count the 1 day I went last week before the clotting and Cytotec)

I feel good that I am back into the groove of things, but at the same time, I feel like it's all so pointless. I don't have Maveric in my belly and so what else matters? I know that this is the grief talking and that things will get better, but I am just feeling so lost still. 

Originally, I wanted to wait till I had lost another 25 pounds to try again, but after thinking more and more about it, and Rob and I talking about it more and more; we decided that we would wait the two cycles and make the decision then. 

I just have these fears that if we wait too long,  and this keeps happening (dear God no) that we will miss out on our take*home baby. I understand this may be totally irrational, but I don't want to wait 6 months. I want to do my very best to lose weight and my very best to be a Mom. 

I am hoping and working towards both.

1 comment:

Jess said...

Hi there,
I found your blog via Laura at Between the Line's link up.
Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I had three miscarriages {one at 14 weeks 5 days, when I was only 18} before having my son. He was born with a birth defect but is such a blessing. Feel free to check out my blog to find out more.
You'll get your little one someday. :)